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Thursday, May 26, 2011

happy Married Life


                                                                         Happy Married Life
Just now I read blog by Amit Verma, a journalist “To Hell With The Family Values”. N I got reminded of one of my article on the same lines. Today I dare to share that here with you frdz:                                                                                                                                                                   13 January 2011
As if the man wasn’t puzzled enough in his life that the civilization coined something like marriage institution??  Just ask to be wedded persons why they are heading for it? Or why he/she wants the daughter/son or anybody to get married? What answer do we get?
-For her/his happiness? (Marriage is the key to happiness?)
-What else to do?  (As if getting married and bearing children is all mankind needed to do?)
-How will a person otherwise lead a lonesome life? (Haven’t we seen a married person all the more alone?)
-Need to continue the inheritance lineage? (What say about Tata’s inheritance?)
-Physical need. (Ahem!! Worth all those troubles? Still, this can be the only true reason.)
A marriage is nothing less than a Rubik Cube, a many facet Cylindrical or spherical child’s game which each couple has to set to solve. And look at the predicament, every person reaches to its own solution. ‘coz it’s seldom solved completely.  Till the last generation people either gave up in desperation or were contented with whatever little they could achieve. But the present genre, of course after trying their best and putting their heart and soul into it, wastes no time to pick up a new tool or piece and commence on a fresh start. Again this is not true with all the social and economical strata. Only super duper class and a few courageous could avail such a privilege.
When a person ponders over, everyone knows the secret of their bosom friend’s married life. More than 80% couples live a compromised life on some or other front. It’s very true that in a society like that of India, marriage is not a union of two souls; it’s a marriage of two families. Hence the magnitude of troubles goes beyond anybody’s capacity to envision. All the dreams and aspirations go crushed. Life is reduced to sheer formality towards partner, and the partner’s extended family members. In every joint family one can find a psychic case which nobody bothers to even address; and examples of poor souls who dedicated everything for the family. Might be in every joint family one can cite at least one couple as happily married. This is a fact which cannot be denied. Still very few can be cited to have followed their heart and passion. Pause a while and think deep, what Neeta aunty would have wished to be? What dream Mahesh uncle wanted to chase? Can anybody true to his/her heart tell that they have not changed/adjusted a bit after marriage? Or the marriage has made all the dreams come true? Some would say ‘my freedom has gone’. Some would say my career is spoilt. Some would complain you don’t respect my parents. Others would say you don’t take fair share of household chores.  One might say I toil so hard just for you and your kids. (As if toiling for your loved ones is a burden or duty, not pleasure). Very rare is your case if you refute to this. Otherwise why so many marriages break up every day? And many more return from the brink of a breakage. Why so many mismatches are there? It should be surveyed seriously to find the percentage of people leading a happy life ‘due’ to marriage. No doubt, there are a lot of happy couples. But they might be happy due to their approach towards life, not due to marriage. If such people happen to lead life otherwise too, they wouldn’t be less happy.
I see people getting all the more alone after the sagas of marriage. People grow indifferent. Less involvement and detachment is preached. Persons even lose a place of peaceful solitude. The possibilities are there that people get accustomed of chaos. Or for the fear of social rejection nobody accepts the failure. Quiet possibly they know the futility of such an admission.
No doubt my partner is the best person I have ever met in my life. It’s not only me who is saying so. It’s a well known truth. We have spent years to understand each other. We have witnessed all the ups and downs of life and enjoyed them. This might be said for many a couples. So have others.  
But who knows leading a solitude life we would have come across more challenges and more adventurous experiences? May be we have wasted valuable years at such petty things! We would have earned more love lives, more warm relations? I am not talking about only room partners. When I talk of warm relations I mean relations with a better meaning where blood and biology has nothing to do. For instance, Deepa, who calls me on Mother’s day, Teacher’s day and also on friendship day. I think that a life with ‘single’ status is far better. The live in relationship is also a good idea, where you live with someone not because you have a social ‘marriage’ contract, a legal burden, but because love binds you two. You don’t have to bother about people.
I am just bugged up with sentences like ‘kavita tu nahi samajhti hai, humko ye sab kerna padtaa hai’.  Why this compulsion like ‘padta hai’ and ‘chahiye’ still hog our life in 21st century? People comment that I live a separate life, in a nuclear family where I have freedom. But tell me was I not born in the same society? Or was I not married in the same society? My families, whether this or that, were also of too much traditional (conservative) rules, regulations and all sorts of restrictions. But I knew ever since I got some conscience that the rules of my life are to be set by me, nobody else. I still take care of my extended family members, but at my own terms, in my own style. Fortunately they all got along my way very smoothly. But then, it was I who broke the ice!
Hence happiness has nothing to do with marriage. And the present scenario rules out the question of lonesome life. How jealous I am of Guljar sahib, Artist M.F.Hissain , Dr Abul Kalam and mother Terresa for that matter. These are well known persons but out there in metro cities innumerable can be the examples who are leading successful and happy life without getting married.
 The last and so called most important point of bearing an inheritance, I am sorry. I disagree here too. Should one get married to make a baby? Marriages, making babies and inheritance aren’t the three different things?
Why men had been marrying even after having more than enough of children? Or did the men not have children out of wedlock too? Do the people who have nothing to pass on to their posterity, not bear more kids?
Physical need can be the only true reason for marriage. And look, it’s only human beings who need to get married to satisfy some of his needs.  Well , here too if we look around the world, different social set ups in our society too are not bound to this obligation. Remember Kareena and Saif or John and Bipasha or recently married Konkana Sen and Madhur who had been living together for three years.
 A close n deep insight into the knit of the society would nullify all the logics given for marriage.
Yes, I do favor marriage. One should, if he/she feels that they cannot live without each other. They want to get married because they love each other, because with each other they derive true happiness. There should not be any outside factor, no other reason, and no compulsion. Only then every married life would be a happy one leading to a happier and a stable society. Then there shall be no divorces; no break ups. Far less of emotional, mental and social problems.
So, before you say ‘I do’, think twice why you are going to marry? Phir ye joron ka jhatkaa nahi hoga . aur na hi dheere se bhi lagega. Just remember ‘ye bandhan to pyar ka...’
So, ‘Happy Married Life!!’ And those who want to remain happy otherwise, I wish them too the best!
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